i needed to buy some dog food, which would be a simple enough task if someone hadn't spiked the crack in long beach yesterday. i was about to pull into a parking spot when all of a sudden this psycho appears out of no where and starts running down the street towards this guy yelling "you better not fucking go in there you faggot! i'll fucking kill you!" you should have seen the expression on the other guys face. priceless. he not only went in there, he went in there really really fast. i pulled into a spot behind the laundromat next to the pet store. the psycho proceeded to run into the laundromat and jump on top of the washing machines yelling at people, throwing laundry all over the place, causing general terror among the patrons. i stood there and watched for a minute wondering what it takes to throw someone elses laundry across the room, and what would i have done if it was my laundry. the police were by the time i left the pet store.

flash forward to a few surprisingly uneventful hours later, i'm sitting on my couch eating a pop-cycle all nice and comfy-like when i hear this female yelling in front of my house "This is MY neighborhood fuckers! MY NEIGHBORHOOD!!!" then the response "Someone call the police! She's got a gun!!" She replied "MY NEIGHBORHOOOD! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!" then i hear, "Everybody get down! She's gonna shoot!" Granted, i was by myself and slightly paranoid, so i threw myself on the ground faster than you can say "gee-willikers". tragically, i lost my pop-cycle in the chaos. i felt kinda silly when no shots were fired, but the police were there within 90 seconds.

i write this as a warning to all you readers out there. there is something wrong with the crack in long beach. DO NOT BUY ANY MORE CRACK!